Help! Someone Is Saying They Want to Kill Themselves, What Do I Do?
It is hard to hear someone we care about suffer so much that they think that suicide is the only answer. We want to provide them comfort and keep them safe. But what if we’re not a trained professional, what can we do?
Fortunately, you don’t have to be a trained professional to talk to someone about suicide, but I know it helps. Here are some tricks you may want to keep in mind if you find yourself in that situation.
If you can get to them or get someone else to them, do so ASAP and keep them on the phone with you. Remove all objects that may be used to cause harm such as guns, knives, blades, medication, etc.
Listen and ask questions.
Most of the time that’s all someone wants – is to be heard, understood and get some empathy. If you listen or ask questions, or acknowledge how difficult this is for someone, you’re not encouraging them to commit suicide. Most people when given the opportunity to talk about it and be heard realize they don’t really want to kill themselves.
Ask them the following questions:
“How long have you felt that way?”
“Do you know why you’re feeling that way?”
“Have you tried this before?”
“Do you have a plan as to what you would want to do?”
“Will you tell me why you’re feeling this way?”
Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline with them at 1-800-273-8255. Or go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ to text with someone who can help. You can call 1-800-273-8255 to get instructions on how to help someone who is feeling suicidal. If you’re in the LGBTQIA+ community and wish to talk to someone familiar with the stresses of being LGBTQIA+ call TrevorLifeLine at 1-866-488-7386.
You can ask for a safety check if you can’t get to the person and you are worried about them. Call the police station near them, ask if it is the correct district and ask for an officer to go out and do a safety check. They will go to the home and check on that person.
If you’re convinced that the person is a danger to themselves, you can go to the Coroner’s Office and get an Order of Protective Custody which will allow the police to bring them against their will to the nearest Emergency Room for evaluation to see if hospitalization or other services are needed.
If you feel like this is more than you can handle, bring them to the Emergency Room so that they can talk to a professional to determine if hospitalization is needed.
Get them to reboot their brain
If they are willing to try this and they don’t have a heart condition or eating disorder, some people say it works to reboot their thoughts when they are upset or thinking of self-harm.
Get a bowl of ice water that’s big enough for them to immerse their face from their forehead to the bottom of their eyes/top of their cheekbones. Have them bend over and put that portion of their face in the water for 30 seconds while holding their breath.
This is called the Mammalian Diving Reflex and was part of Marsha Linehan’s work.
Again, be there with the person and talk to them. If you feel that you can’t talk with them, continue to be with them as you get them further help by using the above phone numbers or taking them to the nearest ER.
Despite our best efforts, people do kill themselves; and when that happens, we feel guilty like we should have said or done something differently. This is a normal thought, but it is not a rational one. If someone really wants to kill themselves, chances are you will never know about it and there isn’t anything that you could have done.
When we open up our conversations to discuss suicide, depression, and feelings of hopelessness, we can educate people and save people. Don’t be shy, don’t worry that you don’t know enough about it, because now you know a little and that may be enough to save someone’s life.
Wishing you happiness,
Mechele
Mechele de Avila Evans, LCSW