Couples Therapy: The common statements…
“You never listen to me.”
“Why do you keep throwing that in my face? You should be over that by now.”
“There are things that we never agree on that keep coming up.”
“I don’t feel connected to my partner anymore.”
“There is no romance in our relationship.”
“We rarely have sex anymore.”
“I don’t think I can trust my partner.”
“I don’t feel connected to my partner anymore.”
“I feel lonely in my marriage.”
These are all things that clients have told me when they come in for couples therapy. The ways we communicate with each other can be hurtful, and we can feel lonely or lose trust in our partner for small things. We may have put up a wall to try and protect ourselves emotionally.
Sometimes our partner is trying to connect, but not in the way we want them to. Sometimes we aren’t even aware that they are trying.
Most couples wait for an average of SIX YEARS before they seek help with their relationship.
I have been trained by John and Julie Gottman on couples counseling. They have over 35 years’ experience researching and treating couples with their method. They offer on-line assessments to help couples see what areas of their relationship are strong and which need work.
I enjoy using the Gottmans’ common-sense approach to improving communication. Once the communication improves, the relationship can begin to be repaired.
“Everything is foreplay.” Dr. John Gottman
Many spouses are afraid to come in for couples therapy as they imagine that they will get blamed for problems. Or they have had experiences with other couples’ therapists that have not been good.
I do not take sides or shame, and I believe in most cases that both parties have done things to contribute to their relationship’s problematic state. When communication improves, a relationship can start to heal – and romance and sex are soon to follow. It’s true!
A “good-enough” relationship
Relationships aren’t perfect because we are not perfect. I want to show you how to have a good relationship where you both get your needs met, and no one is resentful. Life is not a Disney movie, nor is your relationship. Remember, it’s about progress and not perfection.
What we will do in couples therapy:
- Learn to communicate respectfully with each other.
- Avoid the Four Horsemen that can kill a relationship.
- Learn to listen in a very different way to our partner.
- Look at baggage from the past that may be affecting our relationship.
- Learn more about your partner.
- Learn to accept your partner as they are.
What we won’t do in couples therapy:
- Blame.
- Be disrespectful to each other.
- Rehash old wounds in ineffective ways.
Let’s start learning about communication.
Please note that BCBS does not pay for couple’s therapy.
If you think this might work for you, please contact me at (225) 366-8606 for a free phone consultation today.
