You know what the biggest thing that stands in the way of our happiness is? It’s usually us! There’s this concept of “self-fulfilling Prophesy.” Basically, what it means is we have the power to make something we’re doing succeed or fail.
If we go into something with a positive attitude, we are more likely to succeed at it. If we go into something with a negative attitude, we are more likely to fail. Pretty much everyone has had the morning where they wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. If you take some time to fight the negative thoughts that are making you grumpy and telling you that the day will be crap, you’re more likely to have a good day. Or, you can give in to those thoughts, and we all know where that leads.
But it’s not that easy!
Yes, I know, it’s really a hard thing to do; but the more you practice, it the easier it gets. And, of course, don’t go into it telling yourself that you can do it.
Betty was miserable.
It seemed like she could never get ahead. Betty didn’t like her job, but she believed that no one else would hire her as she viewed herself as incompetent. She didn’t like her partner, but she told herself that there was so much wrong with her that no one else would want her. Betty didn’t find her friends to be very supportive, it seemed like whenever she needed to talk they didn’t want to listen although she inconvenienced herself to listen to them. Again, Betty didn’t believe that she could find better/more attentive friends.
When Betty came to see me, she was sad and felt horrible about herself; but she didn’t yet see the connection between the two. As it turns out, ever since she could remember, Betty felt like she wasn’t good enough. When she was in grade school, her mother would tell her, “Why can’t you get good grades like your big brother?” When she was in high school, her father would tell her that she would have a hard time finding a husband because she was chunky.
These comments stuck with Betty, and she began comparing herself unfavorably to others on a regular basis. She was sure that she wasn’t smart enough to get in to college – but when she did she told herself that she would most likely fail out. When she graduated, she told herself that she wasn’t skilled and she wouldn’t be able to get a job. When she got a job, she told herself that she would be fired. And on and on and on.
Betty learns to brainwash herself
Don’t take that brainwashing thing too literally, as I really don’t have the power to teach people how to do that. Betty and I did work on identifying the negative thoughts she had about herself. She was overwhelmed by how many there were. We began to formulate positive things that she could tell herself, and we took it slowly to decrease her feelings of being overwhelmed.
Betty worked very hard at this every day, but, of course, in her heart of hearts didn’t believe it would work. Or at least didn’t until it started to work. Little by little, she replaced those negative thoughts with positive ones. And so slowly, that even she didn’t see it, she began to make changes in her life. She began to be assertive with her partner and her friends. She asked for a raise! She began to appreciate herself which drove her to continue with this “brainwashing.”
The sadness headed for the hills once Betty began to change the way she thought. She had many more good days than bad. She no longer felt that she was not good enough and that made all the difference. She had patience for the process and it paid off.
Isn’t it time for you to have more good days?
Wishing you happiness, laughter, serenity and positive thoughts,
Mechele